Not gonna lie, drawing that “FUMP” was pret-ty satisfying.

Happy (early) Independence Day to my fellow Yanks! If you, like 99.999% of your countrypeople, are unable to obtain Hamilton tickets, allow me to suggest the infinitely less cool but STILL PRETTY DAMN FUN 1776: The Musical: The Movie. It’s available on iTunes! You can’t go wrong!

Alternatively, you may now commence mourning the departure of The Toast, aka the only website I have truly loved as a friend, by reviewing Mallory Ortberg’s selection of the Best of the Dirtbag series.